Surround Yourself

Living well is the best revenge.

Ever been on the wrong side of that truism?

When you hear (or see on Facebook) that someone you don’t particularly care for is doing really, really well for themselves?

This used to give me a pit in the bottom of the stomach and make me question my life, all because someone I put in a box had escaped.

Eventually I realized that I needed this feeling, that it was actually a good thing. I no longer let it consume me, but instead let it feed me and my drive. I began to seek it out, to crave it.

As the saying goes, when you smile, the world smiles with you. And when the world around you is doing great things, the more inclined you are to do the same. The status quo has been raised. The new norm is one of higher expectations. If you are the sum of the five people spend the most time with, complacency and contentment are easy if you hang around with five underachievers.

Seeking out and surrounding myself with people and literature that made me question my own worth and contributions to the world were the beat that finally brought my creative heart back to life a few years ago.

As someone with an extremely addictive personality, a trend I have observed in myself is that once I get a small taste of a subject that is new and intriguing to me, I instantly want to know everything about it. Consequently, this sends me on an information binge that lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Then, once I am satiated or the novelty wears off, I move on to the next interesting topic.

When this moving on doesn’t happen, and that satiation point is never reached, that’s when I know I have struck gold, and found a true passion, not just a fleeting one.

That is the case with me and a few areas of interest (and most people have them), particularly in material that provokes thinking differently and that inspires creative action.

A trend I used to see in myself and others regarding motivation was that it would be more of a fleeting kind of inspiration than a ‘true’ one. We would be fired up for a short period of time, then fade back into uninspired ‘normalcy’.

Then slowly, I got good at evolving this energy from sporadic to perpetual.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see when I exit my bedroom is my productivity calendar (post on that coming soon). Across the top of my bathroom mirror are the words ‘Perfection is Boring’ in dry-erase marker. Adorning my kitchen mirror are a few of my fitness personal records next to the words ‘Wolves don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.’ Opening the door to my refrigerator requires my eyes to scan past one of my favorite quotes of all-time. In my car, checking how much gas I have left brings me to a taped-up fortune that I pulled from a cookie years ago- ‘Today’s action becomes tomorrow habit.’ When I check my phone, a giant marshmallow as my background reminds me of a particular famous study.

None of this was planned- I didn’t wake up one day and think to myself, “I need to cover every surface I look at in a given day with motivation.” It just happened, organically, piece by piece.

While these kinds of things can of course become empty and cliché through frequent viewing (the reason why I would never get something similar tattooed on me), these triggers I have placed throughout my daily life are reminders to myself about why I am alive, why I get up at 6 a.m. to write everyday, why I moved away from the majority of my friends and family for a job that will allow me to reach my goals, why I strive to learn everyday, and why my RSS Feed is loaded with blogs that teach and inspire me.

They are anchors to remind me of what I love most- creating. My daily environment is set up so that it’s literally impossible for me to forget this fact.

It’s also a suitable (and reliable) substitute for constantly having to seek out people that have accomplished things that I am envious of.

If my mind begins to wander, these triggers bring it back to the focus.

To be inspired and bursting with ideas you must get down on paper, to me, is one the most amazing feelings there is. Hence why I am addicted to it.

So, how do you surround yourself and keep the fire going?

Put another way by Bryan Callen and Joe Rogan:

“That’s what you need man. If you don’t have that in your life, you gotta find it. Either surround yourself with friends who do it, go to TED.com, do whatever you have to do man, find it, it’s out there, and the beautiful thing about technology – and this is for young people – is that you can spend your time listening to music and reading about what Lady Gaga wore to the gym, or you can open up your mind to a whole world out there.”

“There’s an instinct to protect yourself by bullshitting yourself and becoming jealous and bitter and talking shit about that [successful] person, and that’s where haters come from. 100% of haters in the world are unrealized potential.” 

Shed the spotlight

That zit on your nose. The small spot on the back of your shirt. That awkward laugh you made right as the room got quiet. And all the other things everyone silently judges you for. Or so you think.

It’s a human inclination to think the world revolves around you. This is egocentrism, and it is the result of a bias of the mind, something we are born into. The inability to see from another’s point of view somewhat diminishes with age (in varying degree by person), but takes a considerable amount of effort and mental awareness to discard completely.

Psychologists call this the ‘spotlight effect’; the idea that everyone in a social setting is watching, analyzing, and critiquing your every move and everything else about you.

People only know what they have learned from their own experiences and through their point of view. Discussing and reading other’s accounts of a situation can give a better idea, but it is impossible (or at least incredibly difficult) to truly put oneself in someone else’s shoes.

Even in our age of extreme egocentrism and vanity (i.e., social media) the reality is that no one really cares about you.

While this might sounds harsh at first, it is an incredibly freeing realization to learn that no one is judging you because they are too busy worrying about you judging them.

The fact is they are bothered about the stain on their shirt, and with worrying if people will perceive the pictures they just posted on Facebook as a wild party or a lame one.

study in 2000 demonstrated this idea perfectly.

College student participants were sent candidly into a room full of their peers while wearing a Barry Manilow shirt. While the participants were convinced that the entire room would notice the monstrosity they were sporting, less than 50% of the peer group could recall the shirt when asked in a post-study interview.

So fret not if you get behind on your laundry and have to wear that shirt from the back of your closet out to the store…chances are no one is going to notice, anyway.

When I was about 11, my parents took me to see The Truman Show. In it, Jim Carrey’s character is unknowingly cast into a reality TV show when he is an infant. His every move is watched by a worldwide audience on his own dedicated channel, 24/7, 365.

Seeing this film as an (extremely) late bloomer who had not yet come even close to developing the ability to consider others’ perspectives, it screwed me up. Big time.

As I had not yet dispelled the idea that everyone was obsessed with my every move, my brain now had to consider both the possibility that this scheme was not only true, but to an extreme extent.

I even entertained the notion that the directors of ‘my show’ made me watch The Truman Show in order to plant the idea that my life could also be a reality show, and to see if I would make attempts to figure everything out. Nevermind that I lived in a landlocked state in the middle of the country (the film takes place on a man-made island inside a giant production studio so that Truman could be contained geographically).

This went on for an embarrassingly long time (again, beyond a late bloomer). I am not really sure what finally snapped me out of it,  but it was an extremely liberating feeling.

(Unless I am actually on a TV show, in which case my viewers are dying from irony-induced laughter as I write this).

Once the mind is free from this pattern of thinking, it allows you to focus on much more productive things, like the world around you, knowing your true self, and creating great work.

So shed the spotlight, and see the light.

And don’t let your kids watch The Truman Show until they are 25.

Go deep

There is never an absolute answer to everything, except of course that you have to do your squats.
-Mark Rippetoe, American strength coach and author

More than any other exercise, none has been more vilified- or misunderstood- than the squat.

Which is massively ironic considering that people- especially those with desk jobs- perform multiple squats every waking hour of their life.

Getting up from your office chair, out of your car, or even off the toilet… if you are going from a sitting position to standing or vice versa, you are squatting.

Why wouldn’t you train a movement that has a direct carryover to your everyday life?

Like barefoot-style running and diet, squatting is another one of those things that humans did one way for a million years, and now that we’ve changed it up in the last few hundred we have a plethora of new maladies.

Unfortunately with squatting, the solution to the problem isn’t as simple as orthopedics or medicine, but surgery.

Squatting to the ground is a natural range of motion for our species, and the natural position in which to relieve oneself. There is a reason toddlers go into a squat when they are beginning their potty training or picking something up off the ground– it’s how our bodies are designed.

The sitting toilet as we know it is unique to Western society (a few European nations being notable exceptions), and surprise- there are lower incidences of colon and pelvic disease in nations that use a squatting method to go to the bathroom.

Around the time the sitting toilet became in vogue in Victorian England and eventually the rest of Western civilization, so too did appendicitis, irritable bowel syndrome, colon cancer, and other fun diseases known mostly only (even today) to squatting nations.

Squatting Exhibit A

The short of it is that our organs don’t empty themselves completely and properly when sitting versus squatting- consider gravity for even a few seconds and you’ll get the picture.
How could this movement ever possibly be a detriment to your health?

While tearing out your commode might not be a realistic solution, there is another way for our bodies to reclaim the flexibility and range of motion that gets lost by sitting all day: with a barbell, of course.

When a squat is done properly (i.e. with the hip crease going to parallel, or below, if possible), virtually the entire body is being strengthened from the ankles through the abdomen through the arms that are securing the bar against the back. And of course the quadriceps, hamstrings, and glutes get their fair share of the load, too.

Proper squat depth

Contrary to the popular misconception that squats are bad for your knees and back (which is ridiculous- when a squat is performed properly most of the force is taken in the hips anyway), the movement has been said to prevent and deter injuries by way of strengthening the stabilizing muscles, ligaments, and tissues that surround the knee.

Where did these misconceptions come from? Similar to many of the myths that have become ‘conventional knowledge’ in the world of diet, many believe deep squatting is bad for your knees and spine because of some bad science that has been perpetuated for decades, despite studies proving the contrary.

When injuries occur while squatting, the cause is usually from the athlete only going into a partial squat. In these, only the quadriceps are activated and the movement never reaches its natural conclusion, forcing the knees to absorb a tremendous amount of stress in order to halt the movement.

Conversely, in a full depth squat, the hamstrings and glutes are activated when the hips drop below parallel, which in turn balance out the load distribution evenly on both sides of the knee.

Partial squats are also the source of the myth that the movement is bad for your spine. Rippetoe:

“Another problem with partial squats is the fact that very heavy loads may be moved, due to the short range of motion and the greater mechanical efficiency of the quarter squat position. This predisposes the trainee to back injuries as a result of the extreme spinal loading that results from putting a weight on his back that is possibly in excess of three times the weight that can be safely handled in a correct deep squat. A lot of football coaches are fond of partial squats, since it allows them to claim that their 17 year-old linemen are all squatting 600 lbs. Your interest is in getting strong (at least it should be), not in playing meaningless games with numbers. If it’s too heavy to squat below parallel, it’s too heavy to have on your back.”

Like with any new exercise, start slow and with light weight. Even if you are just squatting with your body weight or an empty bar in the beginning, you are guaranteed to be sore in the days following, and your strength gains the next time you go to squat (or to stand up) will be more than apparent.

In lieu of keeping this post a readable length, squats will make athletes (and anyone) more explosive, give them stronger abs and core strength, increase their vertical, increase bone densitymake them more flexiblerun fasterhelp achieve normal hip function, and of course give them a bomb ass.

Essentially it makes anything you could possibly do, in or outside the gym, easier.

Even if your athletic focus is on more cardio-oriented sports like running or cycling, cross training with squats is going to be incredibly beneficial. If, in the case of running and cycling, your power output on every stride or pedal is X, and that power is coming from your quads, hamstrings, and the rest of the posterior chain, doing something to increase the output of that X variable is only going to make you faster at your given discipline.

To cite Rippetoe one last time, “All other things being equal, the stronger athlete always wins.”

Anecdotal evidence: When I lived in New York for six months I didn’t make enough money to join a gym, so my workouts had to consist mainly of body weight exercises and running. While I would throw in air squats from time to time, it wasn’t enough.

After a few months of being away from a barbell and squatting, I couldn’t even run anymore as the pain in my right knee became too unbearable for me to jog for longer than a minute. My knee had become weak.

How do I know that was the problem?

Fast forward to after I had moved back to Ohio and was again on a regular squat routine, I tried running again after a month or two and was able to crank out four miles without a hint of knee pain.

The problem is not with the squat. It’s with the sit.

meditate.

“If every 8-year-old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”

-Dalai Lama

You know those moments when your mind is filled with a barrage of thoughts going 1000 miles-an-hour, making it impossible to focus on even one of them?

There is a way to stop that madness. And all you have to do is nothing.

Of the many things that I wish I had discovered or been taught earlier in life, meditation is high up on the list.

When I think back to moments where I could not focus on a given task or come up with a quick-witted response in a situation that required one, it’s frustrating to think that the solution to both of these (and many other) circumstances simply required sitting for ten minutes a day.

Meditation, zen, and every other spiritual concept are going to mean slightly different things to many different people. However, meditation to me simply means strengthening the brain to be more aware of the present moment.

And it’s not necessarily scented candles, herbal teas, or “om-ing” it out in your darkened room (though you can do all of that if you want).

I believe that most people in the world sporadically practice mindfulness- the act of having active attention on the present- their entire lives without even realizing it.

Those moments in life where you can vividly recall every single detail about your surroundings, who was there, and what was going on? Those are instances where you were extremely mindful.

It’s how athletes can recollect, with striking accuracy, an enormous number of details and facts about games and matches they played in their career. They are completely absorbed in the game situation and moment, having no other distractions going on in their heads. They are just ‘being’.

I can recall being on a family vacation when I was around 13-years-old, and we were walking along the beach at sunset. I remember thinking to myself that the moment was perfect, and wished that I could remember it forever. I took into account everything around me; the sound of the waves, the smell of the salt, and the shade of the setting sun. Not that I had much to worry about at that age, but because I took that moment to focus on everything around me, I can now revisit it in my mind anytime I want with absolute precision.

Like in a video game, mindfulness is similar to creating a save state you can revisit anytime you please, simply by being present. Meditation is the re-charge and strengthening of this ability.

The practice itself is simple, and there is no right or wrong way to do it.

After setting the timer on my phone for ten minutes, I like to sit Indian-style (mostly because I’m not flexible enough to go full Lotus) on a pillow with my back against a wall.

I begin to ‘bamboo breathe’ (one big breath in, hold it in for a second, then release out in three segments), and try to focus on my breath and nothing else.

Sometimes I’ll repeat the phrase “What is my next thought?” over and over slowly in my head. On other occasions I’ll imagine a spiraling black hole, sucking in and vanquishing any stray thoughts that go flying through my conscious.

There are countless ways to “de-focus”, and meditation can be a creative exercise in a way as you feel your mind out and figure out the best manner in which to quiet it.

The thoughts will and do creep in, and that’s to be expected.

Sometimes these thoughts are random, forgotten memories from the past. And more often they are whatever you feel most anxious or worried about in your life at that moment. Many times I didn’t even realize how much something was bothering me until I observed that the thought kept floating through my head over and over again.

And on days where I know I am going to have extra trouble focusing on nothing, I have afew go-to songs I listen to in order to get me in state, which leads to an entirely different yet no less ethereal experience entirely.

As part of my morning routine now, I use meditation mostly to clear my mind before work and increase my focus.

However, I have also experienced moments of intense clarity about my life and the world. On other occasions, solutions have ‘come to me’ regarding projects that I’ve been working on that I don’t think I would have come to otherwise.

Growing up, I always felt like I was more absent-minded than most (my fourth-grade teacher told my parents that it constantly looked like I was “in left-field”), and while sometimes I still am admittedly a ‘man-ditz’, my recall, both short-term and long-term, is easily better than it has ever been.

It’s a striking thought that in today’s world we always have something going on to fill our head space, be it the car radio, the TV on in the background while we cook, or even taking our phones out when we are using the bathroom. It’s like we are afraid of being alone with our thoughts, even though spending time with them is the best way to figure out what is best for us and who we really are.

It’s amazing how much something can come out of doing nothing.

5 Inspirational Macklemore Songs You Probably Haven’t Heard

What works of pop-media (books, TV, music, movies, art) have had the most profound impact on your life?

For over two years, I would yammer to anyone that was even remotely interested in hip-hop about Macklemore. ”He’s a white guy from Seattle who raps about real issues and his life, not just 40s, bitches, and blunts, man,” or so my elevator pitch would go.

Recently, Ben (Macklemore) has experienced worldwide success thanks to the insanely popular “Thrift Shop”. I recently expressed my dislike for the song, which instantly brought accusations that my antipathy was only because an artist I had liked for a while suddenly became popular. This is a half truth, sure.

While I am subject to the phenomenon of snobbery that anyone who was a fan of an artist before they got big is, what actually ’bothers’ me is that of all his work, the song people now associate Macklemore with is the one with the least important message.

It’d be the equivalent of the most moving, dramatic, and soul-enriching film you’ve ever seen only being remembered by the masses for a scene that was merely comic relief.

And that’s exactly what I fear– that Mack will fade into one-hit wonder oblivion (yes, you could make arguments about “Same Love” also being a hit- I just wish it was as popular as “Thrift Shop”) and be remembered only as the goofy white guy that rapped about poppin’ tags and zebra jammies, when his lyrics have so much more to offer the world.

Ultimately, it’s not his success that bothers me at all, considering I used to tell anyone that would listen about his music.  It’s just that I wish it was almost any other song of his that people got to experience first. 

The source of this contradiction and, sure- selfishness- is that, more than any other musician, Ben has had a lasting and extremely positive impact on my life and creative pursuits, one that I can only begin to describe in this post. Thus, I have a strong emotional connection with his music, which doesn’t make me a bigger or ‘better’ fan of his compared to anyone else, it just makes me feel a certain away when I hear “oh yeah Macklemore, I know him, the Thrift Shop guy, right?”

But that’s the amazing thing about music, is it not? One song can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different people.

That, and as my brother put it so eloquently, I am going to miss paying less than a small fortune to see him live again.

In my small effort to share the so-much-more Macklemore has to offer, here are five songs of his that inspired me to be more:

1. Inhale Deep

Cause it’s easier to spend your life drunk and high on drugs
Than to put everything in a recording, put it out, and then get judged

I really paid attention to the lyrics and message in “Inhale Deep” when I was beginning the ascent out of what I consider to be the lowest point of my life. I devolved from leading an active social life and being on my college’s rowing team to falling into the 420 24/7 lifestyle, and my social circle consisting of whoever was out of their mind next to me on the couch staring at the TV.

For nearly two years, I had been in denial that marijuana had any kind of effect on my social skills, grades, relationship with my family. . .anything. After catching mono the winter of my junior year, reducing what semblance of fitness I had left to skin and bones, and giving me plenty of time in social isolation to evaluate where my life was headed, I started to see how much my lifestyle had been holding me back from reaching my potential.

“Inhale Deep” spoke to me at just the right time, in the way a song can come on the radio that perfectly describes your life and emotions in that instant. It was refreshing and a relief to hear that somebody else recognized the drug’s subtle power in stifling creative productivity and causing life to revolve around fear and anxiety, when everyone I had surrounded myself with at college was telling me the opposite, still in denial.

2. Vipassana

So I stare into this paper instead of sitting at a cubicle
Take all the ugly shit inside and try to make it beautiful
Use the cement from rock bottom and make it musical

A hip-hop song about meditation? It’s exactly as amazing as it sounds. The track peaked my interest in the practice, and now that it’s a daily habit of mine I can relate to many of the realizations and ideas mentioned in the lyrics.

The song touches on mindfulness, permanence, and other spiritual concepts that I was just starting to comprehend a little over a year ago. Around that time, going on a Vipassana (a 10-day retreat where you don’t say a single word the entire time) retreat also made its way onto my Bucket List.

3. Starting Over

But I’d rather live tellin’ the truth and be judged for my mistakes
Than falsely held up, given props, loved and praised

To me, much of Ben’s appeal, more than any other artist I’ve ever listened to, is the pure unadulterated honesty about his life. A recovering alcoholic and drug addict, he recounts in detail the pain that falling off the wagon after three years of sobriety caused him, his family, and potentially his relationship with his fans. In a chill-inducing verse, Mack discusses having a fan come up to him just 48 hours after his relapse, confessing that she wouldn’t be standing there today if not for his music.

While the addictions I fought were undoubtedly very minor in comparison to what Ben went through, the song made me realize that this is one of the secrets to producing great art- telling the truth about life in the simplest and most relatable manner possible. For too long my writing endeavors were spent trying to please an audience that didn’t exist. This ultimately lead to frustration and little improvement in the craft. As soon as I started just writing whatever was on my heart and mind, several things happened- I started having fun again, my motivation to write everyday couldn’t be contained, and perhaps most rewarding, people began to reach out to me and tell me that they enjoyed my writing and that they could relate to my message.

4. Hold Your Head Up

Freedom is acknowledging the mask you have on
And possessing the strength to take it off

The ultimate pick-me up/pep-talk track. “Hold Your Head Up”, with it’s mellow, rainy day kind-of-vibe, touches on all the truisms and cliches you become desensitized to from hearing so many times in your youth. Be true to yourself, accept the things you cannot change, choose your friends and job wisely, and so on. While such a song concept could easily come off as try-hard and cliche, Ben pulled it off in such a way that makes the song really hit home to absolutely anyone across all walks of life.

5. The End

I strayed, you brought me back in
Trying to sneak a flask outside of that gym
She said “You don’t need that, look within.”

At first listen, “The End” sounds like a charming recollection and romanticization of a high school prom or homecoming dance. When you examine the lyrics further and take into account Ben’s past, though, you start to realize that something bigger is being referred to. In my mind, he is using “Winter Ball 2012″ as a metaphor for his relationship with music, how he was scared of the places it would take him at first, how it makes him feel alive, and ultimately how it would save his life and take him to the heights he is today.

The dance could also be a metaphor for life in general, and his date reality, but however you interpret it, it’s one of the most touching, beautiful, and well-crafted hip-hop songs you will ever hear.

Honorable mentions (like I could stop at five): “White Privilege”“The Town”“I Said Hey”“The Magic”“Contradiction”“Tommy Chong”